


Scatter

by aielle



Category: ARGONAVIS from BanG Dream! AAside (Video Game)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:53:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27595763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aielle/pseuds/aielle
Summary: A glimpse of Asahi Nayuta's childhood.Warnings: some spoilers from the GYRO LN, angst, a bit of verbal abuse, implied bullying, and a lot of sad stuff about a kid with a rough life.
Kudos: 17





	Scatter

"Don't touch that! You don't know where it has been!"

Nayuta, aged 5, looked up at his mother in confusion. He had been crouching on the ground outside their house, observing a stray cat that sauntered towards him. He was about to pet it when his mother's panicked voice called out. The cat got startled and bolted away.

The silver-haired boy frowned. "But, Mom, it was friendly..."

"I don't care if it's friendly! You shouldn't get near such flithy animals." She grabbed his arm and gently but urgently pulled him up. "Come inside now. You shouldn't be sitting out here like this. What if you catch a cold?"

Nayuta sighed, allowing her to lead him back inside the house. It's always been like this ever since he could remember. His mother would fret and fuss over him for such trivial things. He was never allowed to play with animals. He was never allowed to run around with other kids. He was never allowed to play in the snow. And he didn't even understand why.

It made him upset but he knew he shouldn't cry about it. Crying hurt. His insides would feel really hot and he'd have a hard time breathing. Not to mention his mother would get upset and his father would get angry. 

That happened a lot whenever he wasn't feeling well. His mother would keep saying sorry to his father. His father would then yell about stuff he didn't understand. There were a lot of things they said that were too complicated for his young mind to grasp. But he knew enough to know they were fighting because of him and Nayuta did not like that. So he tried his best to be a good boy and show them that he was perfectly fine. But of course, he wasn't always successful.

*****

"I did it!" Nayuta, aged 7, held up the music sheet he had been working on. He just completed his very first composition. He decided to dedicate it to his mother.

"Mom! Mom!" He called out excitedly as he headed to the piano in their living room. "I want you to hear this!"

His mother came in, looking somewhat haggard. "What is it, darling? You shouldn't be yelling like that. You know it isn't good for you..."

"Listen." He perched himself on the piano bench and set the music sheet in front of him. Nayuta played a short, sweet melody that felt like sunshine and summer breeze. His mother gasped, placing a hand over her heart.

"It's lovely." She smiled, ruffling his hair.

"I made it for you." He grinned, feeling proud of himself that he was able to make his mother smile. She rarely ever smiled, especially now that his father was always away.

Just then, his father entered the house. "Tadaima." He muttered.

"Okairi." His mother greeted. "Dear, you know what? Nayuta just played a lovely little song."

Nayuta turned his eyes towards his father, unsure what to expect. His father glanced at the boy, his expression unimpressed. "And? Can he sing it then?"

"I'll make lyrics so I can sing it too." Nayuta said bravely, hiding the fact that he was actually scared of what his father would say. His father was always very critical when it came to music.

"Hm. We'll see about that." He headed to the bedroom, leaving his silent wife and child by the piano.

Nayuta frowned. His father once again ruined the day. He glanced up at his mother.

She sighed and shook her head. She turned to her son, who was looking at her with a serious, fiery gaze.

"Don't mind what your father said, darling." She stroked his head.

Nayuta realized he suddenly wanted to go out. The walls felt like they were closing in on him. "Mom, can I go to the park?"

The worried expression returned to her face. "But..."

"I'll be fine." He said hurriedly, keeping his breathing as calm as he could. "I just want to sit on the monkey bars. I won't run around, I promise."

She eventually nodded. "Be sure to come home before dinner."

"Alright." Nayuta walked calmly to the door, knowing his mother would be watching him.

Once he was outside, he took a deep, shakey breath. Then he timed his breathing to his steps as he slowly walked to the park.

The park was deserted. Nayuta let out a sigh of relief. He liked it better when he was alone. He didn't have to worry about pretending to be okay.

He carefully climbed the monkey bars and perched himself of the highest bar. He liked high places. No one can look down on him from here. Someday, he'd find some place really high up with a really nice view and it'll be his favorite place in the world.

His thoughts went back to his parents, particularly to his father. He'll have to come up with something that would pass the man's high standards. A lot of ideas began to form in his head, the words and melodies swirling around trying to find where they fit. Nayuta closed his eyes and focused. He'd have to remember all of this so he can write it out later.

After some time, he climbed down from the monkey bars. As he dusted off his hands, a cat carefully approached him.

Nayuta smiled and crouched down. His mother isn't around. This time there won't be any interruptions.

"Konnichiwa, nyanko." He whispered. "Wanna play?"

The cat rubbed itself against his knees. It smelled like the sun with a hint of dust. Nayuta carefully placed his hand on the soft fur. It felt warm.

He remembered what his mother told him about being too close to animals and checked if his breathing was still okay. The dust tickled his nose a bit but otherwise, he felt fine. Especially when compared to how he felt at home earlier.

Nayuta liked cats and they seemed to like him too. He promised himself he'd keep one when he got older. But for now, he's more than happy to play with the strays he comes across.

*****

"So you can't even finish one song? How pathetic." His father scoffed.

Nayuta, aged 9, clutched at his chest in agony. His lungs were on fire. His mother hurried to his side, holding out his inhaler.

"Dear, please!" She pleaded. "You pushed him too hard!"

"No. He's just too weak. Don't even bother with singing, boy. You aren't cut out for it. Pisses me off to even think you're my son." He muttered. "I'm getting out of here. It's almost time for my gig."

Nayuta watched through tear-filled eyes as his father left the house. He wanted to scream at the man and say that he's wrong. He was just having a bad day because of the weather, that's all. But he also knew it would just sound like an excuse to his father's ears.

His mother propped him up into a sitting position and administered the inhaler. Her hands were trembling.

"I'm sorry, Nayuta." She whispered. "I should have taken better care of myself when I was carrying you. Then maybe you'd have been born healthier."

He wanted to tell her that it wasn't her fault, she shouldn't blame herself because this was all him. He was the problem. That he had to be the one to fix himself. He wanted to say all that but he couldn't. He could barely keep his eyes open because of the pain, much less talk. 

As he slipped into unconsciousness, the last thing he heard was his mother saying that maybe he should give up on singing. And somehow, that hurt even more than not being able to breathe.

*****

Nayuta, aged 13, came home to an empty one-room apartment as usual. His mother was still at work and most likely won't be back till late in the evening. 

That was a good thing. He'd have enough time to clean himself up. His uniform was a mess, after having been pushed around by the other kids. It has been a couple of years since his father left them. Since then, his mother has been trying to make ends meet. She spent all her time trying to earn money and never showed up for parent-teacher meetings or school events.

When some of his classmates found out, they were quick to make fun of him about it. They teased him, saying he was as good as abandoned. Like an unwanted pet left in a box for someone else to pick up. It certainly didn't help that he got special treatment like being exempted from P.E. and for topping most of the exams. That just made them want to pick on him even more.

Nayuta scowled at the thought. His adolescent heart burned with unleashed rage. He knew he couldn't fight back because that would endanger the scholarship he worked so hard to get. Also, his body wouldn't be able to handle it. Inhalers were expensive so he tried to limit the use of them as much as he possibly could.

He cleaned himself up and his uniform too. He'll make himself some onigiri for dinner using the leftover rice from this morning and the discounted fish flakes from the other day. Then he'd practice singing, maybe also write the songs swirling in his head.

If there was one thing that kept him sane, it was music. He genuinely enjoyed being able to create his own and he actually enjoyed singing. He could even manage full songs without getting an attack. But it was still hard going. His mother constantly worried about his health, saying he shouldn't risk it.

"I already lost your father to music. I don't want to lose you too." She had said in her sad, tired voice.

Nayuta frowned. Each and every person around him was against him. He had no friends, no allies. All he had was his music, he realized. He could only rely on himself. Well, he'll just have to prove them all wrong. He'll show them. No one can stop him, even if the world goes up against him. He'd break through everything that got in his way.

With those thoughts in mind, he began to write them down.

**Author's Note:**

> *Fueled by all the theories from Argomanga chapter 7 that I read off Twitter.
> 
> *Makes reference to some scenes mentioned in the GYRO LN but I haven't read the whole thing so there's a lot of headcanon here, particularly with the timeline.
> 
> *This is how I more or less imagine Nayuta's childhood had been like and how I think he ended up writing "SCATTER".


End file.
